And Just Like that

In Manila, it is 3 a.m. on a Sunday, on 12 December. It seems like another ordinary Sunday.

It was a long week. 

I flew to Manila and completed the quarantine. 

I was released and was able to have a productive meeting on Saturday. 

I had a nice dinner with a colleague and went back to the hotel. 

I got some work done and prepared for the next day.

I decided to watch And Just Like That before going to sleep. And just like that - I got to know that Mr. Big died in the first episode.

THE Mr Big, who was with us in Sex and The City since his first appearance in 1998, season 1 episode 1 - died. 

Episode 2 was all the funeral and the whole "should've" things - Carrie said (yelled):  "I should've gone to the Hamptons with Big on Wednesday night. Like I wanted to". Well, "should've" is the last thing you like to say in life because it is entirely useless, it changes nothing, but it always hits you.

I didn't know the first two episodes were about farewell. So just like that, in the middle of the night, I got a little emotional - it reminded me that my grandpa's funeral is starting in 4 hours or so, and I couldn't be there with him. So I decided to write something for myself, in English - because it might make me even more emotional if I write something in my native language.

When I heard about grandpa's death a couple of days ago, a lot of "should've" flashed through my mind. But, of course, I got rid of them quickly because I knew it wouldn't help anything but still, feeling pretty bad about the fact that due to covid I wouldn't able to walk him on his last journey. So I persuaded myself to believe that people who know that I tried will understand how I feel now - that comfort me a bit, it did. 

We're never prepared for death. We just deal with it, and move on. So, I moved on. 

Goodbye grandpa, and goodbye Mr. Big.

You will be missed.